fuckingfastwebsites fuckingfast

Why fast?

“...at Google we’re obsessed with speed... we’re including a new signal in our search ranking algorithms: site speed.” 1 53% of mobile users hit the back button if a site doesn't load within 3 seconds.2

That's why.

Websites that

“Start render” in under a second. Fully loaded onto the device in 2 seconds or less.

Born to be mobile.

Responsive sizing to best fit any display. Rescue your visitors from pinch-burn and squint-eye.

Mobile-first indexing is coming to Google in 2018.3 Get ready.

Written in pure html, css and javascript.

No Wordpress, no Drupal, no Joomla!, no pHp, no backend database. Oh, and no jQuery.

Graphics are CSS-generated wherever possible. Fonts are always web-safe. Tailored with backend .htaccess.

Superfast mobile-first static websites for individuals and small concerns.

Click on the centered slide to go visit. You can test first view and complete loading times at Google's webpagetest.org. More coming soon.

Fast mobile facelift €499

Your existing website, updated with:

  • speed and viewport optimisations
  • search engine optimisation done right
  • a better server configuration to cache and compress your content.

We may also make minor modifications to your content to increase its marketing impact.

Fast static website €899

Your content, our design:

  • as many pages as necessary1
  • all the bells and whistles2
  • speed and viewport optimisations
  • proofreading and copy-rewriting
  • search engine optimisation.

1 We will decide how to best structure your content.

2 Menus, sliders, buttons, one-click calling and emailing, favicons, touch icons, vCard, QR code, map.

Static means no content management system, no backend database and no on-the-fly page generation. In other words, nothing to slow you down.

Includes proofreading and copy-rewriting

Sub-standard copy affects search ranking (giving us a harder SEO job) and dissuades potential customers.

This service is performed by our approved and fresh-eyed copywriters. Available in English, German and Portuguese.

SEO included too

In the field of Search Engine Optimisation, the time to effect is measured in days and weeks. Therefore, after a two month wait-and-see period of going live, we will revisit your website and make any necessary tweaks.

With your input, we will iron out any search-related issues and fine-tune your new website.

Please note: we never undertake SEO for third parties.

Translation with SEO €500

Localisation is not simply a case of translating existing text and putting a little flag on top.

Effective localisation takes cultural factors into account. Think dates, money and that imagery may not be relevant or appropriate. Culture-specific SEO is also required.

Available in any combination of English, German and Portuguese. Price is per language. The target language is the translator's mother tongue.


In this day and age of spambots and Nigerian princes, we need a selective filter:

  • Full payment in advance.

What, you don't trust us? That's okay, the feeling is mutual. You can ask for a reference from one of our happy clients.

We accept payment in any major currency by way of bank transfer, Transferwise, Paypal or credit card.

Ready to get started?

Use the following button to send us a quick E-mail. (You don't even have to write anything.) This way, we can reply and it won't go into your spam folder. You'll get a reply from us within one working day with all the gory details.


Read the rest of the slides. Don't worry, you'll be back here in no time.

Great content is like cream. It always rises to the top.

Google spends millions devising algorithms to separate the wheat from the chaff, so make sure to have well-written and informative copy (we can help with that).

Then give it time to work its magic.


Let's begin...

Great content

Means nice images, a cool logo, a superior layout with easy, one-click contacting and the big one - great copy.

  • We cannot create original content for you, nor can we take photos for you. You know better than anyone else what it is you wish to say and achieve.

We can however improve your copy with our included Proofreading and copy-rewriting service, which we really should be charging for, but the truth is that good copy makes our SEO1 job that much easier.

1 Search Engine Optimisation

Robot vs Human

Writing good web copy is hard - it needs infusing with links and anchor texts inside of limited screen real estate, and all while maintaining easy readability. There are technical considerations too (to keep our robot friends happy).

The hard part with SEO is to unobtrusively implement it into your content. Remember, once the user has landed on your page, SEO has done its job. Copy optimised for human readers then takes precedence.

  • We do not undertake SEO for websites that we have not written ourselves.

Life is short

So is this guide.

So are your visitors' attention spans.

  • So get to the point, fast.
  • Be concise and be precise.
  • No, repetitive filler text will not increase your Google ranking.

You can and should of course flesh things out for visitors who might want to know more, but structured in such a way that does not distract or bore the average reader.

Mind the gap

Search engines like proper grammar and punctuation. They won't try to guess at your mis-spelled words and they don't want to waste their users' time sending them to sub-standard sites (that would hurt their ad revenues).

  • Slang, short-forms or abbreviations and cultural quirks are all fine, so long as they are used within the proper context.
  • Set your spellchecker to the correct culture; if you are writing, say, for the British market, then use en-GB and not en-US. Different spellings and date formats may give potential customers a false impression.

Copyright notice

You should have good reason for using content that is not your own. It should go without saying, but no copyrighted content without the holder's explicit permission.

And don't plagiarise. Major search engines are smarter than you think. As are lawyers.

  • A Disclaimer page will often be templated off of someone else's (which is fine) and should not be included in search engine indexing.


You have probably come across the expression tldr; on your Internet travels, which is shorthand for too long, didn't read.

You do not want readers
to mentally tldr; your content.

Graphical content

Don't go overboard with images, logos and videos either.

Your mobile visitors will not approve when their data plans take a big hit downloading your giant homepage in all its glory.

  • Be aware that many visitors will not watch videos at all, especially on mobile.

And before you say, “yeah, but that's just on mobile”, mobile already accounts for 55 percent of all search. (Which is why Google is moving to mobile-first indexing.)

Mirror mirror

Images should be preferably non-Photoshopped originals, of high quality and large size. If they are coming from your existing website, check that they still look good on modern displays.

  • We will ensure that content is optimised by editing assets either manually or through code.

A picture says a thousand words. That can be good or bad. No picture is better than a poor picture.

Navigation and flow

We have all seen website menus that require a degree in orienteering and a compass to make any sense of them.

Poor layout and a lack of natural flow mean that visitors will not find what they or you want them to find.

Your content should be well-structured and easily navigable, even without a menu.

A thought experiment

What if there was, say, a map.

And what if some people could use said map to find your business nearby. Said map would show them your business and even how to get there.

Wow, now that would be a magic map.

Unintended consequences

Do you dream of having your pub appear just under Wikipedia when someone googles “drink”?

Could you handle the ensuing curiosity traffic, jealous enquiries and bombardment of spam?

Your content must be specifically targeted towards your core audience. Anyone else is a waste of their and your time.

Now that you've got great content to send us, you'll need just two more things:

1) Money

That's right, money. For pricing, see above.

Full payment is due in advance.

2) The keys to the castle

We will need your login credentials (sFTP, Control Panel or otherwise) to your web hosting provider so that we can upload your completed website and improve server-side configuration.

Get in touch.

Who is “We”?

No, it's not the majestic plural.

“We” is in fact a small heterogeneous team of polyglotic Generation X'ers and Millennials living Digital Nomadic existences.

We quite like stereotypes.

Our expertises are in computer science, engineering, law, legal and technical writing, languages, business and media. We build fast and readable websites in our spare time because we want to build a better Internet for the money.


This website doesn't use cookies or track you with Google Analytics. End of.

If your web host can't configure its own servers properly, all bets are off. We can't work with that. Neither should you. Change web host.

Oh, and if the Internet gets unplugged, all bets are off too. Life will return to a happier cat meme -less time.

That's it.

Thanks for reading.
Oh wait, there's more.


Can you include icons and links to my Twitter, Facebook, Instagram?

Of course.

What about animations?

We do not use any animations beyond those of menus, sliders and CSS background effects. Visitors tend to find them annoying and they detract from the real content. Heavier animations impact mobile devices. Animations done in Flash are out of the question.

Do you offer web hosting?

No. If you don't yet have a web host, we can recommend one.

Can I edit the finished website myself?

Possibly, if you really know what you are doing. But then why would you be here? If you have no idea what “templating”, “cache-busting” or “minifying” means, we recommend that you leave well alone.

This ain't the 90's no more.

What about some other web developer?

A Grunt project is deployed to your server alongside your website files. Thus, any decent developer can further extend your website, should you wish it. Or... just ask us!

Do you include structured data markup?


Your website is just one long page with sliders. Surely that's bad web design?

Wise man once say, don't use carousel. And yet here we are using ugly neon colours and not just one, but four carousels. It's a revolution (get it?).

As for more pages, some things just suit long copy better. Plus, we have better things to do than build websites all day.

I tried googling this site and it didn't rank high. Your SEO sucks.

We don't do SEO for this site. Instead, people (like yourself) visit our customers' sites and think, “wow, wonder who did that?” We get a high number of click-throughs. So while we kinda love Google, we don't really need Google.

And how good is that?

I would love to tell my friends and family about this site, but that would mean using the f-word.


That's really it.

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